Profiles of Beskirted Men: Rick Z

Today, we welcome Rick Z from North East, England to Profiles of Beskirted Men!

What is your name?

Rick Z

Where are you from?

North East, England

Which types of gender non-conforming clothing do you enjoy wearing?

I love wearing High Heels, Dresses, Skirts, Blouses and Lingerie/Panties, Tights and pretty much anything i think makes me look and feel good.

When did you start wearing gender non-conforming clothing?

I started wearing high heels about 10 years ago. I have slowly added more feminine/non-conforming gender clothing over the past few years as a way to open up more choices.

How did you start wearing gender non-conforming clothing and why?

My 1st experience with gender non-conforming clothing in public was actually a halloween fancy dress work night out. I lost a bet and was as a result given an outfit to wear. The outfit that was chosen was a zombie nurse outfit complete with stockings and high heels. (a girl we worked with had the same size shoes as me so they borrowed her shoes for the occasion). I went out into the city centre for a night of fun and drinking. I loved the attention i received from all parties as well the compliments regarding my outfit, how good it looked on my and how well i walked and danced in high heels. The next morning i knew i would never look at clothing or shoes the same way.

What is your motivation now for putting on gender non-conforming clothing?

Following my 1st experience i discussed above i wanted to feel that same level of confidence and i really enjoyed the compliments. As i fairly typical looking 6 foot white englishman that kind of attention and compliments don’t generally come that often. I started by speaking with my co-worker who’s outfit i had worn, where she got it and what size stc, she didnt question me as to way i was asking but i think she knew where it was going. I then went online and ordered myself some high heels, a dress, skirt and blouse as well as some simple lingerie and panties. At this time around 2004 i was single and and lived in a shared housing. I used to wear my new clothing in my room and wait for others to go out or to bed before i would venture out into other parts of the house. I was caught a couple of times by house mates but none of them said anything other than a sarcastic comment like “Nice shoes” or “pretty dress”. These people with essentially strangers other than living in the same house as we had our own rooms and shared common areas like living rooms and kitchens.

Over the next few years i simply remained hidden behind closed doors only making the rare public appearance in more feminine style clothing for things like halloween or other fancy dress party occasions. I tried to host a fancy dress party every 6 months or so juts so i had an excuse to dress how i wanted without any real feel of being “Found out”

When i met my now wife in 2005 i kept this side of me hidden away as i was worried that i would scare her away. the 1st time i was feminine clothing in front of her was again for halloween around 8 months into our relationship. We had decided to go as a matching outfit couple. Zombie pilot and zombie air hostess. I took responsibility to order the costumes and i couldn’t help myself to order what i knew would be incorrect sizes. my now wife is a petit chinese woman at 5″ 2′ and as mentioned im 6″ tall so i ordered a large woman’s and a small mens outfit upon arrival it was obvious the outfits wouldn’t fit either of us and i admitted i must have made a mistake as ordered the sizes opposite to what was needed. I “joked” that it looked like she would fit my costume and i would fit hers. To my genuine surprise she said “let’s give it a go, it will save returning them and having to re-order” As expected they fit almost perfectly on both of us. I made a passing comment that all i needed was some heels and the outfit would be complete. My now wife agreed that heels would look good but would i be willing/able to wear them for a whole evening. I assured her that i would do my best. I joked that i would now know who she felt when she wore heels for a night out. After ordering a pair of heels online and the doing a test fitting in the house a few days prior to Halloween my wife agreed that the whole outfit and the result reversal of looks we cool and would make for good light hearted conversation at the party which was being hosted by a friend of hers. The night went by without issue and almost everyone in attendance at some point in the evening commenting and complementing both our costumes and how great it was that we did something a little out of the box.

This experience was again another catalyst and reconfirmed in my mind that gender non-conforming clothing and more feminine clothing was 100% the direction i wanted to go. over the following years i continued to hold my true feelings back from my wife for fear of her rejections. We did however use the gender swap costume idea for many more fancy dress parties and it was usually my wife who picked the theme and outfits. I think she knew i wanted this but only allowed herself to accept it under the guise of fancy dress rather than the new normal.

Fast forward 10 years or so….I admitted to my wife a few years back (during Covid Lockdown) that i wanted to wear heels, skirts, dresses etc on a regular basis and out in public. Up to this point i had only wore panties, tights and a little lingerie under “normal clothes” which she was ok with as it couldn’t be seen. She was understandably taken aback by this and the resulting conversations included a lot of tears, questions, confusion and im sure a feeling a betrayal that i was now showing myself to be someone different to the man she married and had children with. After many many conversations and a lot of back and forth with my wife with regards to her position and she decided that she wasn’t comfortable with me being out in public in my more feminine and gender non-conforming clothing. If im being honest i expected that to be the case as generally my wife is a conservative person but i was hopeful that there might be some middle ground but that wasnt to be the case with public appearances. The compromise came with the private side of life. She said that i could basically do as i pleased in private as long as the kids didnt see/find out. This was a little disappointing as this left me with little to no time or room to dress how i wanted. I understand her wanting to keep it away from the kids but given their ages 8 & 12 at the time and both having experienced friends/classmates expressing themselves as either none binary or transgender, i was hopeful that they wouldnt really be bothered and would be supportive as they were with classmates. By this point to be honest i was basically willing to accept anything i was offered in the way of support and acceptance.

As the months past and turned now into several years i have lived for the most part within the boundaries set by my wife. She has kept to her word and continued to support my choices of clothing, shoes and underwear while either no-one else is home (we both work from home 1-2 days per week) or when we’re the only ones awake. I Have over time built a nice size collection of heels, clothing and underwear & lingerie that my wife has even helped pick out or on the rare occasion even bought me as a surprise for secret birthday/christmas present.

We have had multiple conversations about what comes next and when/if I can expand the restrictions and compromises imposed by my wife. She continue to be very apprehensive and concerned with how others will view both me and her. This is despite my showing her blogs and pages like this and assuring her that and negativity will be short lived and come only from those who’s opinion wouldn’t mean anything. Ive always lived by a saying, “never accept criticism or negativity from someone you wouldn’t accept advice from”

I have however went against my wife’s wishes and confided in my colleagues at work of the fashion choices i wish to make. This can following a works night out where one co-worker noticed i was wearing a thong. It had started to ride up over the top of my jeans and i hadn’t noticed and as i bent over to pick something from the floor. After a confused moment that followed a little wolf whistle my co-worker highlighted to the group what she had seen and after a moment of shame and embarrassment, one of the others mentioned that it was a very pretty thong and wished her husband was willing to try wearing her underwear as she found the thought of it a turn on and that willingness to be so exposed in public was a sign of confidence that was more attractive to her then the macho masculine persona that many men wear.

Following further questions and conversations in the days that followed it came to light that all my co-workers were open and supportive of my choices and encouraged me be myself while in the office.
Im lucky enough that I work in a small office of only 4 staff (myself included) and they are all female, ages 30 – 45 and all married. They all agreed to keep my secret.

I have over a period of months had a selection of heels, boots, skirts, blouses and dresses delivered to the office and i change each morning in the bathroom. I then change back before heading home. I have been almost caught a few times as my wife sometimes drops by unannounced from time to time if she get off work early for example. Luckily the girls in the office do i great job of keeping my wife engaged with “girl chat” for a few minutes or keeping her in the conference room by saying i’m on a call with our bosses in China. This gives me enough time to quickly change and hide the evidence in my filing cabinets (Wardrobe).

We have even gone out for team lunches and even team nights out where i was encouraged to remain dressed as i please and have had generally positive experiences with the general public. There is always the odd glancing 2nd look or some pointing at me highlighting me to their partner or group but i’ve not had and confrontation or hate speech thrown my way.

What do gender non-conforming clothes mean to you?

For me gender non-conforming clothes mean a sense on mental freedom and a a relaxation of the pressures put on men in general by society that we should conform the previously mentioned macho masculine persona we are supposed to wear. When i mean my favour feminine or non conforming clothes i feel a relief from the personal battle i have daily with how im “supposed” to dress and look vs how i want to dress and look. When im able to do as i want the weight lifted is indescribable.

How often do you wear gender non-conforming clothing?

I wear panties, lingerie, tights/stockings daily but under “normal clothes” around half of the time. However, as i highlighted above i’m able to truly express myself while at home alone or while in the office with my small support team.

Do you go out in public dressed in gender non-conforming clothes? If not, why not? If so, how often and where do you go? Are there any places you wouldn’t go?

I do on occasion go out fully in public for things like work events or halloween parties as i have discussed. I do however wish i was able to do it more often and more openly. When i do go out fully in public i try to ensure its somewhere that it would be unlikely that i would come across someone i would know.

Do you find it hard to go out in public in gender non-conforming clothes?

Its always tough at 1st. I still get nervous when going out in public especially when wearing multiple items that are more feminine or non-conforming. I also get nervous that i might randomly bump into someone that i know and have to have a difficult conversation that might get back to my wife.

What is your best and/or worst experience in gender non-conforming clothes?

The best is difficult one as many of my public outings are generally positive with multiple occasions where strangers have commented positively as well as having waiters take time to complement my outfits and ask where items we’re bought. But i still to this day loved the attention and compliments i received that very 1st time i went out dressed in feminine fancy dress.

the worst would be the time when myself and 1 of my co-workers were in another city for a meeting with clients and following the conclusion of the meetings we went into town to celebrate and have a few drinks. Later in the night (1am) A taxi driver refused to take myself and my co-worker back to our hotel as in his words “doesnt deal with tranny’s and thier weirdo lovers” Please note that i have never cheated on my wife and wouldn’t ever dream of it.

Do your family or friends know about how you dress?

My wife knows and my 3 co-workers do. I believe a couple of my close friends may know as i overheard them discussing “if they should say something” while we were out for a boys day out and i have left to use the loo. I announced my arrival after hearing this, as i approached the group and the conversation quickly changed to them discussing the ongoing football match and nothing more was ever discussed. I believe that they may have discovered my Instagram account where i post my feminine and non-conforming outfits etc. I have a feeling that they know but have chosen not to bring it up to save me having to explain. I haven’t pushed the subject as i know it would eventually get back to my wife who as previously mentioned doesn’t want me to be public. I know its zero sum game as the support of others might help her overcome her apprehensions but i know that her finding out i have broken my promise to not be public will take time to overcome….

Are there people you don’t want to know about it?

If i had my way i would tell everyone and anyone.

Does your partner accept your clothing choices?

Yes to a point… I wish she was more open to being public

What is your favorite style?

I love the secretary style and look.

I really enjoy the feeling of lingerie against my skin and how good my legs look in high heels.

Where do you shop for your clothes?

I typically shop online and will buy from any retailer that i come across with something i like the look of. I do however get drawn to PLT, ASOS and Victoria’s Secrets alot.

I Have shopped in person in stores here in the UK like Next, Primark and ever Victoria’s Secrets but usually i only do this if i’m away from my home city. I love the feeling of looking through the woman section and finding something that i want to wear. I have however never been able to build up the courage to try anything on while in store.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

I would just like to say to anyone reading this who wants to start or is just staring out on this journey that there is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing you cant do if you set your mind to it

Do you have any links you would like to share (i.e. social media profiles or websites)?

You can follow my adventures on my Instagram account – https://www.instagram.com/heel_king_85/

Thank you for sharing, Rick Z!

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