Today, we welcome Bobbie S from England to Profiles of Beskirted Men!
What is your name?
Bobbie S
Where are you from?
England
Which types of gender non-conforming clothing do you enjoy wearing?
Tights, stockings, skirts and dresses.
When did you start wearing gender non-conforming clothing?
When I was about 7 when I wore my first pair of tights for a school play.
How did you start wearing gender non-conforming clothing and why?
The compulsion to wear the clothing I love became overwhelming and I simply gave in and started wearing tights and skirts in private and very discretely under male attire in public.
What is your motivation now for putting on gender non-conforming clothing?
I have found this difficult in the past but as I have got older it has become much clearer. It is a compulsion to wear those items I love because it transforms how I feel about myself, my inner peace and happiness.
What do gender non-conforming clothes mean to you?
I think they look and feel amazing, are very comfortable and their effect upon me means they are a release to my personal expression and comfort to my well being. I am sure I am a better person when I am dressed.
How often do you wear gender non-conforming clothing?
Weekly although I do wear ladies briefs everyday as they are quite simply far superior in comfort and practicality. If I’m not wearing a skirt I do try and wear tights under my trousers for work.
Do you go out in public dressed in gender non-conforming clothes? If not, why not? If so, how often and where do you go? Are there any places you wouldn’t go?
Occasionally. This is a real issue for me. I would like to wear skirts and tights everyday in public but my wife is not supportive. So I go out when I can without her knowing. I hate doing this but it’s that compulsion to be myself. If I do get out it will be to a shop, cafe or just to get fuel somewhere. I try not to go to places where I might get caught out.
Do you find it hard to go out in public in gender non-conforming clothes?
Actually I don’t. It tends to be a little nerve wracking at first but that soon dissipates when you realise the majority of people could not care less.
What is your best and/or worst experience in gender non-conforming clothes?
Every experience has been great. Some of my choices may have been unwise on occasions but I’ve not had a bad experience per se.
Do your family or friends know about how you dress?
No, only my wife.
Are there people you don’t want to know about it?
Parents, they are too old to cope now.
Does your partner accept your clothing choices?
No. She is completely conditioned to assume I’m either gay or mad. She knows but simply doesn’t accept that it’s ok to wear in public. We are working on it but progress is painfully slow.
What is your favorite style?
Simple denim skirt, opaque tights, shirt, fleece and boots or trainers.
Where do you shop for your clothes?
Online and some stores who all seem to be ok with it. I have a particular liking for Snag tights and have found Oasis to be very good
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I’m really struggling with this, the conflict with my wife, at the moment and grateful for any advice people may be able to give me. I do not want to lose her.
Thank you for sharing, Bobbie S!
If you would like to have your profile featured in Profiles of Beskirted Men, take a look at the post I wrote about it for more details.
Hello Bobbie,
Hello Alex,
Thank you for sharing.
Great outfit on the photo.
I am in the same kind of outfit and the same kind of issue with my wife and children. I am struggling to find a way to express my authentic self and not to offend them as I don’t want to lose them either.
It is also to early to share my journey but one day maybe…
Kind regards
Thanks for the comment, I hope it doesn’t take you too long to find a solution/compromise. Very happy to chat if it helps, I know I find it useful to talk or chat about it.
Bobbie, than you for sharing, both your preferences and your struggles. I can’t say I have overcome the spousal objection obstacle you face, but that’s because my wife IS supportive (lucky me). That said, so me thoughts do occur to me that might be useful in discussion (and discussion is the only productive way forward):
1. Have you stated, clearly, that you are neither gay nor mad, but simply like the look and feel of your preferred clothes?
2. Does she wear trousers, ever? And if so, why (I expect it will be comfort and simple preference, mostly)? And cannot those same privileges apply to men (and particularly to you)?
3. Could you share Julia’s entries on this blog with her, so she sees that perspective?
4. Boundaries are boundaries, and personal choices for clothing seem to me to fall within one’s personal boundaries. In that, they are not abusive, cruel, insulting, or anything else that should impose on another or the core of the relationship between persons. I know, that’s easily said, but it is till a rock-solid principle of healthy human relations. I’m sure she has some personal choice prerogatives (maybe even her own style of dress) that might not be what you would choose for her, but you accept it’s her choice. It’s OK to expect her to give you the same consideration.
Be strong. Be kind. Do Well. And keep in touch.
Hi JCNY, Thanks for commenting and for your sensitive thoughts. I have done some of the things you suggested including sending her a link to Julia’s posts. She is clear that I’m neither gay or mad so I think she probably is thinking that this is something akin to a passing fetish of perversion without really accepting she’s known about it for 35 years!
It’s the last point that needs to be addressed and I feel like that showdown is imminent.
Best wishes,
Bobbie.
We got started the same way. Tights in a play. Tights are my security blanket now and I’ve worn for over forty years. Like you, I also recently got into skirts.
I’m super lucky my spouse is amazing. And she tolerates/supports my alternative clothing choices.
I’ve found over the years not to push it but to let it occur. I wear what I want and always start at home without threatening to go out in public. We don’t really even talk about it much. What happened to me was I was so clad and was suddenly requested to go out. When I went to change into “gender appropriate” clothing my wife said don’t worry, let’s go. At the time that was just me in shorts and tights. Haven’t tried skirts and tights. Have though been in kilts though and we go out. I get a lot of positives for wearing the kilt. That helps.
But what I find most important is to own it. Don’t act nervous (fat chance I know but fake it til you make it). Have replies in mind. Test the waters in places no one will be, no one will notice or no one will know you.
My first time wearing a skirt, I was terrified. I walked around my backyard at night where no one can see me. If I was in public that way, everyone would look at me like something was wrong with me. Now, I’m calmer and self assured.
Your style is also quite masculine. Thick opaque wooly tights and a denim skirt. Even a feminine woman would be called masculine in that. And that’s good. People hate to change. So baby steps are important to getting to where you want to be.
Bonne chance.
Hello Bobbie, cool profile even considering the problem with your wife. While I’m not in any similar situation, I can imagine you might feel guilty when wearing skirts on the occasion, and wife not able to see / know it, like it is some insane secret.
I don’t think there is any solution that involves your action – I’m sure you are the same guy no matter of clothes you choose. Question would be whether your wife thinks about you the same way. Being harsh (like telling wife that she looks worse in trousers than in skirt or just indicate how privileged women are in terms of clothes) can make things worse.
You can only keep rocking skirts and tights, and be the same guy she knows for years, and maybe, maybe she will get it.