For the past four years, I have been working at home full-time. Even though I wore skirts and heels before I transitioned to working remotely, not having to go into the office every day has allowed me to explore my unconventional fashion choices to an extent that wasn’t possible before.
This is the story of how I went from going into the office every day owning only one skirt and one pair of heels to working at home full-time and owning a closet full of gender-non-conforming clothes.
Backstory
Ever since 2020 when Corona shut everything down in Germany, I have been working at home. My job at the time required me to go into the office every day which was still the norm, but as soon as one of my coworkers tested positive, the managers shut down the office and we were required to work from home.
By the time the office opened back up, the CEO and other members of upper management had discovered the joys of working from home and decided that instead of mandating everyone to come back into the office, they would just downsize the office and we could stay working at home.
At the time, I owned a single black skater skirt. It was something I had had for years and wore frequently when no one else was home on the weekends and in the evenings. At the time, my wife didn’t know about it. Nor did she know about the pair of heeled boots I had buried in the back of the closet in my office at home.
There are photos of each at the bottom of this post.
Working at Home
So what did working at home full-time change for me? It meant that I didn’t have to dress for an office environment which is essentially where you are required to dress for your managers rather than yourself. It gave me the freedom to experiment with my style more than I had been able to up to that point because I could now do it every day.
While we still had video conferences with our cameras on, I could easily experiment with skirts and heels since we all know that it just has to be business up top. Of course, I tried dresses too, but I could cover the top part with sweaters or jackets for meetings if necessary.
Because I wanted to experiment more, I naturally started buying more skirts and heels. As my style developed, I became more confident with it which meant I eventually developed the confidence to tell my wife about it. She’s already written about how that went.
The Present
Other than when I have to occasionally go into the office or visit a customer, I still work at home full-time. This means I wear skirts pretty much every day unless there is a rare day that I just don’t feel like it.
Some of my teammates know about it and others don’t. We still have video conferences every day and I don’t hide anything. If I need to get up, then I do and they see I’m wearing a skirt on camera. So far, there has been only one comment. After standing up to close the window next to my desk, one of my teammates asked if I was wearing a skirt. I confirmed that I was and he just said, “Ahh, ok.” That was the end of the discussion.
Conclusion
The whole point of this story can really be boiled down to a couple of sentences. It was important for me to have the space and time to develop my own style so that I could gain the confidence to take the next step of sharing it with my wife. Working at home full-time gave me that space.
Having it also helped me solve the conflict occurring in my head at the time. I kept wondering why I, as a man, like skirts and heels. I wondered if something was wrong with me and even began questioning my gender over some silly clothes. Of course, these questions are easy to answer now (nothing is wrong with me and I am definitely a man), but at the beginning of my journey, they were still very prominent in my thoughts.
If it weren’t for being able to work at home full-time, I wouldn’t have the collection of skirts and heels that I have today, I wouldn’t be nearly as confident in wearing them and this blog wouldn’t exist. If it weren’t for Corona and I still had to go into the office every day, I would probably still just have the one skirt and pair of heels.
It’s amazing how a safe space without societal pressure can really give you the potential to be yourself in all facets… even if it is a bit unusual.
Did Corona change anything for you? Did it affect your wearing of gender-non-conforming clothing at all? Let us know in the comments below!
Another amazing post.
I love how open and honest you are with your blogs. Im sure everyone reading this post and this comment has had the same “What’s wrong with me?” thought at some stage in their journey into wearing non-gender conforming clothing. I know i ask myself this almost everytime i look at myself in the mirror when wearing something that society would deem strange for a man to want to wear.
I found that telling work colleagues significantly easier than telling my wife. I really didn’t mind (for the most part) what others at work thought, after all most of them aren’t “real” friends and especially with the WFH culture we have now you only have to see them in person a few times a week/month/year. I found telling my wife, close family members and actual friends to be much harder, no matter the extent of the confession. This is of course due to me respecting these people, their opinions and how im viewed by those closest to me.
The fact that i even called it a confession sums up the situation we all find ourselves in. What does it really matter what form of fabric we choose to use to cover ourselves?
Anyways…. I LOVE your original skirt and heeled boots. They look amazing on you and you should show off your figure and legs more!!!
“What’s wrong with me”
These four words haunted me for years growing up and into my thirties. In brief, church play had me in a tunic and tights and I was hooked. Cried when I was told they were just for girls but wore anyway wondering “what’s wrong with me?”
Internet searches for “men’s pantyhose” took me to weird fetish sites that showed things that seemed to confirm that there was something wrong with me.
Then I found the Legwear As Unisex Fashion (LAUF) Forum and a guy named Steve who owned the GLS hosiery company that his grandad started but where he repurposed the business to make tights for men. With a fly! If that’s not a man’s garment….
Joining LAUF and realizing there were other men who also wanted to wear tights was awesome because it show me there’s nothing wrong with me. But there is something wrong with society.
And then skirts started. I didn’t realize it but in that church play, the tunic I wore completed what’s become my favorite outfit. Tights and skirts. I’m happy with men’s shoes and tops but the skirts and tights are just who I am. And there’s nothing wrong with me.
That’s the problem with the internet’s bias towards men in skirts or tights. It’s often heavily fetishized which makes it difficult for men like us come to terms with it. After all, we just want to enjoy wearing the clothing in our every-day lives and not be stigmatized.
It seems like quite a few men who wear tights, skirts and other gender-non-conforming clothes got their first taste of it in theater. I hadn’t considered that since I was more of a music-nerd, but it makes sense. Theater provides a safe, judgement-free zone for men or boys to wear tights, dresses, skirts, etc. Now if only the rest of society would catch up!
Tops are really hard to find a one that fits. I tried many things but returned almost everything. Problem is shoulder width and arms length…
I own a long sleeve shirt, black, with sheer arms. It’s a good match with a standard pair of jeans too, it gives an original touch.
That is true. I only wear tops from the men’s department because my shoulders are way too wide. Tops from the women’s department just aren’t cut well for my body type. That’s the same reason I rarely wear dresses.
Thank you! I want to help others with my own experiences now that I’ve gotten to a point where I am stable and content with being different. Being open and honest is really the only way to help others going through similar experiences in my opinion.
It’s interesting that you found it easier to tell your work colleagues than your wife because it was exactly the opposite for me. Your reasoning is definitely sound though and may actually help me tell my work colleagues. Only a select few know the full extent of it because I’ve only ever worn my heeled boots to work and never a skirt or anything. I’ve been too afraid to, but I would absolutely love to!
And thank you again! The first skirt I had was definitely shorter than what I normally wear now, but I do wear it for drumming since it’s much breezier than shorts and I tend to get very hot when playing.
I started with a skirt almost identical to yours and my first and only pair of boots are also quite similar.
Zalando is also my go to store because of great photos, second hand section and great return policy.
I questioned my gender identity for years staring in 2020 and I define myself nonbinary and at peace with myself only since last year. I had done many therapy sessions with a professional that really helped me.
I’m now writing this comment wearing a sport/gym skirt from Oysho surrounded by my family (wife and two kids) without issues. But that’s been a long journey.
And by the way sport skirts with integrated shorts are awesome for training (I workout at home).
I have a feeling a lot of people start with skirts like that because it comes from the whole femboy scene. While I never considered myself to be one, I liked the aesthetic to an extent and so I wanted to imitate it.
I love Zalando! That’s where I have most of my boots and skirts from actually. They also have a good selection of heeled boots that fit me (I wear a size 45/46 in the EU and 12/13 in the US).
I’m glad you’re at peace with yourself now. Questioning your gender identity can be an absolutely miserable experience.