With Halloween coming in a couple of days, I figured this would be as good of a time as any to post about the only negative experience I’ve had wearing a skirt in public. Fortunately, it wasn’t as bad as the word “negative” may imply.
The Experience
It’s hard to believe, but it was only the second time I wore a skirt out in public (unless you count kilts) that it happened. My wife was with me and she was very supportive as she always is.
I live out in the country a couple of hours north of Munich, Germany. My wife and I were traveling down to the city fairly late in the evening and I decided to wear a straight, black, woolen skirt that goes down just past my knees.
I chose it because I was still somewhat insecure and it is not something that people would immediately notice. It was winter and I wore a long, black peacoat and black tights with it. In essence, I wore mostly black and tried to downplay the skirt as much as possible. It was also already dark outside which helped me blend in a little bit.
We took the train down entirely without incident, including switching trains. The conductors were polite as always and I, still being very nervous and hyper-aware of my surroundings, didn’t notice anybody staring or even looking at me strangely.
So far, so good.
It was while waiting for the third train of the evening that the incident happened. We were standing on the platform at Munich’s main train station when an older man, clearly drunk and likely homeless judging by his dirty, disheveled appearance, approached me.
He looked me up and down, then asked if I grew my hair out or if I was wearing a wig. At the time, I still had long hair. I told him that it was my own hair and I had grown it out. He then said he liked it, but then he yelled very loudly that he found the skirt “shitty”.
When he did that, lots of people on the full platform turned and looked at us. Since he yelled specifically about the skirt, I noticed lots of people looking down at what I was wearing (and probably even noticing it for the first time).
I was quite shocked because that was the first time I’d ever experienced anything even remotely similar to that with or without a skirt. As such, I didn’t have a comeback and I wasn’t able to say anything in response. I was quite literally dumbfounded.
The man shuffled off immediately after his outburst and didn’t say anything else. I never did reply to him, but I did look around a couple of seconds later and noticed that everyone had gone back to whatever they had been doing before and didn’t seem to care whatsoever.
The Aftermath
The fact that most people couldn’t be bothered by the whole incident taught me my first lesson: most people really don’t care what you wear at all. Even if they are made aware of your unusual choice of clothing, they still don’t care.
Of course, I was a little shaken up by the whole experience at first. There I was going out in public in a skirt clearly from the women’s department for the second time ever and I already had someone confronting me because of it. Not fun.
My wonderful wife, however, jumped right in and started giving me encouraging words. She kept reminding me that other people’s opinions of me don’t mean anything — especially from someone who was clearly wasted and didn’t have his own life together.
I really can’t emphasize enough how much her support kept me going. By the time we arrived at our destination, I had pretty much recovered from the incident and was able to walk around proudly in my skirt again.
Conclusion
So that was the only negative experience I have ever had wearing a skirt in public. Even if I was a little shaken up by it right after it happened, I kept going. It didn’t stop me or even slow me down. In fact, in hindsight, I think it made me more confident.
I figure if even such an incident can’t discourage me, nothing will. They say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger and that applies perfectly to this scenario. I turned what was a negative experience into something positive that gives me the strength to go against the grain and do what I do.
If you go out in a skirt in public as a man and have a bad experience, then I can only recommend you do the same. Most people couldn’t care less about what you wear, but we can’t let the ones who decide to express their displeasure about it bring us down just because they feel the need to vocalize their unsolicited opinions. The fact that they dislike it is their problem, not yours.
Have you ever had a negative experience while wearing a skirt in public? If so, how did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below!
Thanks Alex, another inspirational post.
I’m glad it was inspirational!
I have been wearing skirts for almost 4 years and exclusively for the past three years. I have never had a negative experience, or even a negative comment. I am sure that some people have thought bad things but have not said anything. When it comes down to it most people will not confront someone that is confident in themselves enough to be different. So wear what you want and do it with confidence, and don’t let other people try to change who you are.
It’s great that you’ve never had a negative experience! Fortunately, I’ve only had the one and I hope it stays that way!
Bravo, Alex!
While I have never had a negative public response, only occasional questions rooted in curiosity; I can imagine that like any offensive interaction with a stranger (think aggressive panhandling, random insults, even mugging), it’s very disorienting and dis-spiriting to be called out for your choice of clothing.
Brava, too, to Julia – for her support, because that’s what melts away the sense of violation and associated insecurity.
In a world where extensive tattoos are normal, stainless steel penetrating any accessible flesh is common, and pajamas are daily worn to theaters and shopping centers; a man in a skirt is surely not much of a shock!
Onward and upward, healthy and strong. Look good and love living.
Curious questions are the best! I rarely have them, but they do come on occasion and I enjoy answering them.
Offensive interaction with a stranger is definitely disorienting, especially when it’s the first time it’s ever happened to you. I had never experienced anything even remotely similar to that even before wearing skirts in public.
Eh, drunk and dirty guy definitely knows what looks “shitty” and what’s not. He didn’t go for more harsh opinion describing you as “not manly men” (there are some grittier words for that and ain’t gonna use it here) but yeah, hearing that upfront must have felt bad and difficult to find good reaction for. Surely you don’t want to say “you look shittier”, and basic “so what?” could still escalate things (although I find it as most sensible reaction as it causes the other side to explain why something is wrong), so in the end you actually “ignored” him by not giving any riposte.
Yup, he definitely knows what looks shitty! But yeah, he definitely could have used a lot more offensive language, but fortunately he chose just to insult my appearance rather than go after my person. Maybe he would have been happier with a different skirt? 😉
Funny how not responding may have been the best option. Drinks don’t rationalize, they just remain uninhibited and continue to scream.
I wore a kilt on a plane once. The kilt is linen and looks more like a skirt. A loud guy while I was boarding said loudly, “now there’s a man in a skirt on my plane!” Said obnoxiously. I froze. Didn’t turn around but still boarded and heard someone he was with say “it’s a kilt”. If I had said anything, I suspect it would’ve been a bad experience
In hindsight, it was probably better that I didn’t say anything because escalating it wouldn’t have done any good. It would have just made the experience all the much worse.
I really don’t understand why people feel the need to comment on what other people wear. It’s none of their business.