A couple of weeks ago, I decided to run an experiment on myself to see how I would feel leaving all skirts, heels and other gender non-conforming clothing out of my wardrobe. The experiment was simple enough: go a week with only wearing “normal” men’s clothing.
Well, it was a surprisingly horrible week and here’s why.
Some Perspective
But before I get to the why, I should probably address the thought I know is running through your head at the moment: why would you ever do that to yourself? Fortunately, the answer to that question is fairly straightforward.
When you get so wrapped up in something, sometimes it makes sense to take a step back to gain some perspective on the whole topic. I have been regularly wearing skirts and other gender non-conforming clothing for a couple of years now and have never really taken a purposeful break to reflect on it.
That was exactly the purpose of the experiment. I wanted to better understand why I like wearing these clothes so much and why they are so meaningful for me. I figured a little bit of self-reflection couldn’t hurt. Of course, I’ve already done a lot of reflection on their meaning to me and have written about this topic in my post, “Why I Wear Skirts and Heels, or Why Showing Your Feminine Side Makes You More of a Man”, but I wanted to see how I would feel about it after a short hiatus.
The Experiment
During that week, I didn’t go anywhere or do anything special, I just lived my normal life in “normal” masculine clothing: jeans and button down shirts or t-shirts. I didn’t wear any shoes with heels and I certainly didn’t wear tights, leggings or dresses.
Essentially, I stuck with clothes you would find in a typical men’s department at a run-of-the-mill department store. Believe it or not, I still have some of those in my closet, even if they don’t get worn all that often.
I thought it would be an easy week. Boy, was I wrong.
The Result
Every morning, the first thing I would do when getting dressed is open my closet and cringe at my clothing selection. I couldn’t help but cast longing glances at my pile of folded skirts and the heeled boots lined up on shelves.
Normally, I look forward to getting dressed in the morning, but it became a chore. Of course, before I started wearing gender non-conforming clothing, I didn’t think twice about it, but once you get used to the wonderful selection that clothes from the women’s department offer, it’s insanely difficult to go back to just plain men’s clothing.
Throughout the week, I noticed three main points that kept creeping into my mind.
It Was Boring
This should surprise no one at this point. Not only was I entirely bored with my clothing selection, but I found that I was missing the thrill of wearing something non-mainstream, whether it was at home or outside.
When I go out in a skirt, for example, there is still a hit of adrenaline that courses through my veins when opening the door. That happens regardless of whether I am just checking the mail or going to the store. I am so used to it by now that I hardly notice it.
I do, however, notice when it isn’t there. Opening the door to go outside in normal male clothing was so entirely anti-climactic that it almost became tedious. Until this experiment, I hadn’t realized that wearing skirts or heels makes even the simple things in life, such as checking the mail, more thrilling and pleasant.
Apparently, I’m a beskirted adrenaline-junkie.
Everything Was More Relaxed
The consequence of everything being so boring was that it was generally more relaxed. Since being in typical men’s clothing meant that there was no hesitation or adrenaline-shot when going outside, it meant I didn’t have to expend as much energy on it.
I have written about building up the confidence to go out in public before, but even though I am confident when I go out, there is still a hurdle I have to overcome before crossing the safe threshold of my front door. That is the same hurdle that sets the adrenaline loose in my system.
Since that hurdle was no longer existent, it meant that checking the mail or going grocery shopping was easier. I needed to expend less energy to do perform these mundane tasks. Since I wear skirts most of the time, it felt oddly energizing to not wear them since I had more energy left over than I usually would after such a task.
That said, would I give up wearing skirts for a little more energy? Absolutely not. In fact, I don’t think I could anymore.
I Craved Wearing Skirts
It was surprisingly rough going a week without wearing skirts. In fact, it proved to be an impossible goal, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
As already mentioned, I would cast longing glances at my pile of folded skirts every time I opened my closet. Even at night when getting ready for bed, I would feel a twinge of disappointment that I was just taking off boring jeans instead of a skirt.
They were constantly on my mind and it had me wondering when I had become that truly addicted. While out shopping or taking a walk, I would watch women wearing skirts and catch myself daydreaming about being beskirted once more.
That might seem extreme, but it made me come to the realization that they have become a part of who I am and how I perceive myself, essentially a part of my identity. Putting on a skirt makes me feel more like myself than wearing regular men’s clothing and so when I can’t wear them, I feel like I am leaving part of myself behind.
Conclusion
The experiment was surprisingly difficult to get through. In fact, it was so hard, that I couldn’t help but slip on a skirt one particularly warm afternoon because I almost felt like I was suffocating in my shorts. Also, I may have cheated a little on one of those days by wearing a utility kilt, justifying it to myself that it is, after all, a garment made for men.
So even if my experiment wasn’t as uncontaminated as I would have liked it to be, I still feel like my ultimate goal was accomplished: gaining some perspective on the topic. Skirts have simply become a part of who I am and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Frankly, after the week, I don’t know how I used to only wear plain, boring, men’s clothes and be satisfied with it. In fact, in hindsight, I don’t think I was actually ever satisfied with it. Since branching out into the women’s department at your run-of-the-mill department store, I feel more confident and satisfied with myself than ever before.
My name is Alex and I am a skirt-addict.
Have you ever stopped wearing gender non-conforming clothing for any period of time? If so, was it purposeful or were you forced to by circumstances? What did you learn from it? How was the experience for you? Let us know in the comments below!
I agree 100%. I wore a pair of shorts do a Chiropractor appointment a couple weeks ago and I couldn’t wait to get home to change. A few weeks ago at a team function, my cycling team, one of my teammates said “that it wouldn’t be normal if Eric wasn’t wearing a skirt”. I am quite sure that I wouldn’t ever be able to go back to wearing “men’s clothes”. And thinking about it, it makes me sad that 99% of men would never know the thrill and the joy and the freedom that wearing skirts and dresses brings.
It is sad that most men will never know the comfort and pleasure… unless it somehow becomes much more mainstream. We can always hope, but I’m not going to hold my breath.
This was a great experiment. When I started wearing skirts, my sister encouraged me to question why I wore them. That questioning helped me establish a strong foundation of why I choose to wear skirts. It also helped me get across the hurdle of walking out my front door.
My profession requires pants as part of my uniform. Every day I look forward to getting out of my uniform and into my “regular” clothes (skirts in warm weather and leggings in cold weather). Outside of work I am in a skirt 99% of the time. It is now a part of who I am. Family and friends question if I am ok any time I arrive somewhere in pants or shorts!
Thank you! It’s great your sister encouraged you to question why you wore them. A little bit of self-reflection is very healthy and, as you pointed out, gives you more confidence. If you are unsure of your own motivation, it’s hard to present yourself as confident in what your doing.
That is really unfortunate that you have to wear pants as part of your uniform. I’m lucky enough to have a job where I work at home and so it doesn’t matter what I wear.
Fascinating! I share some of your feelings, but not all. Like you, Alex, I strongly prefer skirts to pants or shorts, and I occasionally choose a dress, too. I also tremendously enjoy choosing from a wide range of colors and cuts, but for me that still includes the occasional pants and shirt, too. It’s true the range in “women’s” clothes is much wider, but the standard mens styles are part of an even fuller range!
As I’ve written before, I don’t have any trepidation about going out in any of my dailywear options, including the preferred skirts, so I guess I miss the adrenaline rush you find. Or rather, I get my thrill wehn I put together an outfit that looks and feel right, long before I head out.
I am a bit surprised you didnt note the greater physical comfort of a skirt or dress compared to two-legged alternatives. I notice this more than any other benefit. As someone once said, “I’m no Ken doll” and the absence of bunching is a key pleasure when beskirted.
All that said, I completely get and appreciate your experiment. It kinda reminds me of one I did some years back. I had read that it takes about three weeks of practice to break or make a habit. Thinking of some habitual act I could change that wouldn’t make any substantive difference otherwise, I settled on which leg goes in first. For so long as I could recall, I had habitually inserted my right foot first into my undies each day. Of course, the end result would be the same whichever went in first; so I decided to switch that to my left foot. In the early days, I had to consciously do it, and if not paying attention, had to take them off and do it again, left first. Then I got to where I remembered most days, but still it was conscious. And indeed, it was right about the end of the third week, when I noticed, after they were on, that I had done it without thinking. And I have continued that way ever since.
Keep on skirting and posting. We all really enjoy being a part of your journey too.
Thanks! I also still wear the occasional pants and shirt from the men’s section. I do have some that I like and that I feel very comfortable in, but I only like them because I don’t restrict myself to them. As you pointed out, it makes for an even fuller range of options to choose from!
I love the thrill of when an outfit is put together and looks and feels just right. That is plays a huge role in confidence! The adrenaline rush I get has gotten less since I started going out in public, but it is still definitely there. I’m sure it will disappear entirely at some point though and if not, then I guess I’ll get a little kick every time I leave the house.
I didn’t mention the greater physical comfort of a skirt or dress because it’s been cold enough here in Germany that I have been wearing tights with my skirts which doesn’t really provide any less restriction than pants do. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the greater comfort, it just means I didn’t think about it while doing the experiment. 🙂
Well, as someone who’s really on the beginning of this journey I haven’t gone through such experiment yet since I’m still ‘splitting’ my day between beskirted to the public / most of family and ‘bepanted’ in front of my dad. I also do not own that many skirts so far and I’m not really sure if men’s clothing is really boring, but indeed can’t really spot the difference between most of males you can see around, so maybe this resembles this thesis.
There might be some unusual and interesting clothes for teenagers and young male adults but I haven’t done much research at shopping malls to confirm or disconfirm this. For sure if you go to any wedding, it is easily visible the variety of clothes chosen by women and extremely basic stuff men pick for such event.
And ‘thrill’ of going outside in skirt is still there, but since I lack any feedback from “NPCs” in the neighborhood, it’s not pumping me up like in the beginning. I’m at least not afraid of it anymore and I feel it’s more important to me than getting slightly / hugely excited about yet-to-become just another normal outfit at the streets. Am I doing it for more than 3 weeks? Yea, so maybe it’s really a habit right now.
It’s great that you are confident enough to wear skirts in public and in front of most of your family. It’s too bad about your dad though. I hope you feel comfortable doing that one day too and that everything goes well!
Yeah, men’s clothing tends to pretty boring with the options being extremely limited. As you said, if you look around, you don’t see nearly as much variety of clothing on men as you do on women.
I don’t get much feedback any more either. Older people tend to stare, but otherwise it doesn’t really seem to bother anyone. If they look at all, then it’s only a brief glance and then the move on to whatever else they were doing…
I haven’t ever been forced by circumstances to stop wearing women’s clothing, but as a closeted trans man living near bigoted family in a rural part of the southern US, it’s sometimes required that I not wear men’s clothing.
As a closeted trans man, I try to tend my looks toward androgyny, and no one thinks twice about the fact that I’m wearing a skirt, because for all they know, I’m a woman.
It doesn’t feel good when I have to forgo androgyny for what my family and neighbors consider feminine, because traditional femininity doesn’t have much place in my personal style, but I do sometimes enjoy it if it isn’t enforced. I always enjoy a chance to present myself as fully traditionally masculine, though I don’t get many of those chances.
It’s really tough when your family and community don’t accept who you are or who you want to be. I also have intolerant family in the rural southern US who would entirely disown me if they knew I wore skirts as a cis man.
Yours is a great example about why fashion should not be gendered. You should be able to wear whatever you feel most comfortable in regardless of your gender and not be forced to wear certain clothing simply because you were assigned a specific gender at birth. You say your style tends to be androgynous but you still sometimes enjoy more traditionally feminine looks when you aren’t forced to appear that way. If gender didn’t play a role in fashion, there would be no “forcing” and you could wear whatever you feel like on a particular day. That would be the ideal world!