I am currently doing research for an article that is near and dear to me as a programmer and gender-non-conformist, but I need input from others who also work in the tech industry.
It is no secret that a lot of programmers and other people who work in a computer science-related field are often gender-non-conforming or trans. I have even worked with some. Some consider themselves to be femboys while others just simply enjoy breaking gender clichés. One such example is “programming stocks” which have become so prevalent that even Linus Torvalds, the creator and lead developer of Linux, has them:
So this is where I need your help.
If you are someone or you know someone who works in a computer science-related field and enjoys wearing gender-non-conforming clothes or is trans/questioning their gender, I would like to know a few things:
- How and why did you start?
- How often do you do it?
- What do you like to wear?
- Does anyone know about it amongst your friends and family?
- Does anyone know about it at work?
- Have you worked with anyone else who is also gender-non-conforming or trans?
- Why do you think gender-non-conformity and the topic of gender is so prevalent in the computer sciences?
- Anything else you’d like to add
Of course, any answers can be as long or short as you’d like and you don’t have to answer all the questions. Also, feel free to add anything else you think is important or relevant. That would help me out a lot!
I won’t publish any answers directly but rather use them as research for the article(s) I’m working on related to this topic. I may quote one or the other answer, but I will ask for permission beforehand.
If you’d like to help out, you can get a hold of me by commenting on this post, sending an email to alex (at) the-beskirted-man.com, or via the contact page. You can also send this page to as many people as you know who might be able or willing to help out.
I would really appreciate it and I’m looking forward to any responses I receive!
Well, I WAS in a tech-related field, but broadly defined. I assume here that you are using the too-common shorthand for INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY, not all technology. I was born an inventor, trained as an engineer, and have lived my professional life as an independent entrepreneur (rarely held a normal-employment job). That gives me a lot of latitude in dress and behavior (few bosses but potential customers). You already know all the rest, from my Beskirted Profile.
I did mean information technology, but there was no good way to include “information technology” or “computer science” in a title that wasn’t too long…
Being self-employed certainly gives you a lot more freedom than most people have to dress the way you want!
A bit of an introduction, so I don’t have to repeat myself in the answers: I’m trans femme, short for trans non-binary Femme.
I’m a senior engineering manager.
– How often do you do it?
24/7, I don’t boy mode, I actually never did.
– What do you like to wear?
Roughly estimated 70% dresses, 20% skirts, 10% trousers.
– Does anyone know about it amongst your friends and family?
– Does anyone know about it at work?
I’m fully out from the day my egg cracked. I started wearing skirts, bright colored tights and pumps around the end of 2019.
My egg cracked at the end of 2021, got my letter of referral to an endocrinologist at the beginning of May 2022 and started
HRT on the first of June 2022. I’m out as GNC from 2019 and as trans from the end of 2021. So you could say I never was closeted.
– Have you worked with anyone else who is also gender-non-conforming or trans?
Yes, several times. Mostly as a colleague or their manager.
– Why do you think gender-non-conformity and the topic of gender is so prevalent in the computer sciences?
There are several reasons:
1. The IT industry is more open to non-conformist people in general.
2. With remote work being a thing in the industry it is easier to come out.
3. The IT industry attracts a certain amount of neurodivergent people. There is some research on how GNC traits are more
prevalent in neurodivergent folks.
– Anything else you’d like to add
Feel free to ask me, if you need more information or something wasn’t clear 🙂
Thank you so much for your answer! That is extremely helpful!
My question is this; where can I find the skirt in that photo?
I would definitely like to have one like that too! I like the boxy pleats.
How and why did you start?
It started in my late 20s and gain momentum in early 30s. But, I think it has roots when I was a teenage where I experimented with female lingerie for a short period of time (some months).
How often do you do it?
I wear non conforming clothes almost daily.
What do you like to wear?
Skirts (and in winter with tights). I often use makeup: my go to is some concealer and lining my eyes with black pencil. On very few occasions when I was alone I also used red lipstick.
Does anyone know about it amongst your friends and family?
All of my family knows and see me wearing skirts and lining my eyes included my children of 7 and 9. But only at home, never outside.
Does anyone know about it at work?
Yes.
Have you worked with anyone else who is also gender-non-conforming or trans?
No. But I would like to! Also I’m the only one in my network who is gender non conforming and sometimes it makes me feel alone.
Why do you think gender-non-conformity and the topic of gender is so prevalent in the computer sciences?
We are people thinking in abstract ways and we can get rid of special cases like only women wear skirts more easily. Also we are a group of people oriented to thinking outside of the box. Software is without fixed form and also our mindset. We’re inclusive because I think most of us were bullied at school, labeled as nerds in negative ways and so on.
Anything else you’d like to add
I hate the double standard that when a women wears masculine outfit it’s socially accepted and sometimes even a plus. When men wear skirts or something labeled as feminine it’s interpreted as weird and sexually deviated.
In my late 30s now and I still fight everyday to not feel guilty or wrong for how I like to present. I can’t wear my skirts outside the house as my wife is not ready to confront social judgment and it’s a situation going on for years.
I’ve been into therapy for 1,5 years to start accepting myself. I started by trying to remove all of this from me but found it’s impossible. It’s who I am.
My father is disgusted by seeing me wearing a skirt.
I also own a pair of heeled boots but can’t wear them because my wife hates them.
It’s a difficult journey, mostly because of my wife that is having a very hard time in finding the courage to confront society judgment. Also she never suspected anything like this as when we met and for 10 years there were no signals of this and I can understand that this is difficult. This topic put our marriage at huge risk a couple of years ago but we kept it alive by working on this together.
Thank you so much for your answers!
I hope that Linus really said that seriously, or at least wanted to keep it as “inside joke” – I guess I have to assume one of most influential programmers in the history has clear and kind mind, and it’s not a hypocrite.
I will try to send you answers to your questions in few days, although I guess some might be quite similar to answers I gave in my “beskirted profile”.
I hope so too, but I suspect he at least wasn’t mocking people 😉
Thank you for the answers! I did get them, even if I haven’t gotten around to replying to everyone yet.
I used to work as a trained programmer but studied BA later and than went out of informatics and into heavy industries. So maybe my input also helps you.
How and why did you start?
With me it started already very early – 12 years +/-
At first I loved body’s, jumpsuits, tights and everything that is shiny.
Later I also tried heels and skirts and it was all so lovely. Feels so great and adorable.
How often do you do it?
Whenever I can. Also in public.
What do you like to wear?
Everything that is female, shiny, tight and/or high.
At work I wear women’s jeans and shiny pants (leather).
Does anyone know about it amongst your friends and family?
Yes. My family and best friend know.
And as I also wear a lot in public, most people have a guess.
Does anyone know about it at work?
In parts. Not the heels and skirts, Bute the gender non conformity is known.
Have you worked with anyone else who is also gender-non-conforming or trans?
No.
Why do you think gender-non-conformity and the topic of gender is so prevalent in the computer sciences?
I think as a computer scientist you create things that are not there before and start in a blank white space. You define the rules of the program. Maybe that is why you are also abke to do this in real life.
There are also far more people in the artist comunity. They are also used to describe a world that does not exist.
Anything else you’d like to add:
Thank you for what you do here! I love it. Please keep on with it and if ever I can support or you want one more profile, just let me know.
Sorry if my words sound strange. I am German and it is not my mother tongue.
Best regards, joerg
Thank you so much for your response!
– How and why did you start?
Actually experimented a bit with gender-non-confirming clothing already in my late teenager years and during my university studies, but only as much in public as I trusted not to meet people who knew me.
Restarted in 2022, at the age of 47, encouraged by more queerness shown in public around me. I started wearing dresses and skirts first only in a few places, then more and more, finally also at work, in church, and for festivities with my parents and relatives.
Actually wearing clothing which is considered female is only one more step for me of not accepting to be restricted by society’s norms, but wanting to find my own style which I like independent of gender norms. At about 20 I let my hair grow long and my ear lobes pierced. I started liking nightgowns instead of pyjamas. Later more piercings and larger earrings not commonly seen with men. Actually when I asked my boss at work what he thought about my new clothing, he said that he did not wonder because it fitted with my style he already knew from me before.
– How often do you do it?
Almost always.
– What do you like to wear?
Mostly dresses, sometimes skirts. Some quite colourful, but overall rather simple and not too “feminine”. What I consider suits me as a man. Combined with long hair (in ponytail or plait), necklace and large earrings.
I don’t like make-up or painted nails. And high heels would be difficult with my body size (190cm) and foot size (EU 45).
– Does anyone know about it amongst your friends and family?
– Does anyone know about it at work?
Yes, everyone who has seen me during the last two years.
– Have you worked with anyone else who is also gender-non-conforming or trans?
A colleague has been wearing female blouses and high heels for much longer than I have been employed there.
– Why do you think gender-non-conformity and the topic of gender is so prevalent in the computer sciences?
Possibly because IT jobs usually offer a great freedom of clothing styles from business to very casual, and many employees are nerds of some type, so extravagant styles are found more often, not only concerning gender norms.
– Anything else you’d like to add
From my experience breaking with gender norms for clothing mostly requires courage only for oneself. When daring it, most people either don’t notice it or ignore it, and some are interested, often quite sympathetically.
Thank you so much for your response!
If you are interested in getting an impression of my looks, you may look at my linked Instagram profile, in particular the story highlight “Kleider”.
Thanks for the link. I love how confident you are wearing your dresses out in public. That’s really amazing!