At the beginning of 2024, my mom flew out to Germany from the United States to help us out with our small son. She stayed with us for two months and since we’ve always gotten along very well, the time flew by. She knows about and accepts my skirt and heel-wearing even when I’m around her. In fact, she even borrowed one of my skirts for a baptism we went to while she was here.
As such, I was able to wear skirts with her around just as I usually do without any conflict or issues. She had noticed, however, that I sometimes changed into jeans before going out. I did that usually when I wasn’t feeling confident enough to wear a skirt out or when I was just exhausted from taking care of a one-year-old and couldn’t be bothered working myself up to overcome the self-erected barrier to go out in one.
On one of those occasions, when I was about to change into jeans before going out to eat with the family, she asked me why I was changing and not just going in my skirt. I started to explain my nervousness and the fact that it cost me energy I didn’t have to do it and her response rocked my skirt-wearing world:
“I don’t get what the big deal is.”
I put those words in bold because they changed a lot for me. There I was, standing there with my very conservative mother and she had just told me that she doesn’t get why it’s a big deal for me, as a man, to wear a skirt and leggings out in public.
The reason that comment changed things so drastically for me is multifaceted. At that very moment, it was the shock value. That sort of progressive comment was the last thing I had expected from her. It just showed me that you can’t assume that everyone who is otherwise very conservative sees men wearing skirts as something negative. My subsequent experiences in the small, conservative town I live in have since proven that to me again and again.
The other, much more important reason was that it came from someone who cares so much about me. It was an honestly meant, offhand comment that was uttered by one of the most important people in my life. Her support has always been important in my endeavors and to hear such an unexpected sentence said in an entirely nonchalant way thoroughly changed my perspective on the matter. It just goes to show how critical support from the right people can be.
At that moment, the figurative dam broke and I haven’t been able to stop wearing skirts out regularly since. The self-erected barrier is certainly still there, but it’s nothing more than a speed bump now, rather than an intimidating gate. It feels incredibly liberating.
Needless to say, I didn’t change into jeans that evening. I wore the dark gray, denim skirt with black cotton leggings I already had on. And guess what: nothing happened. No comments, no looks, no f*cks given from anyone even though I had to run around the restaurant chasing my one-year-old son for all to see rather than just sit and hide my skirt under the table. I had a wonderful time and don’t regret a thing about it.
Have there been any particular occurrences that have changed your perspective on skirt-wearing? What has happened to make it easier for you to go out in public in a skirt? If you don’t go out, what would need to happen? Let me know in the comments below!
Gotta love that, Alex!
I don’t recall a similar experience (as I never expected much public issue), but I do recall my wife having some concern at first, that other people might bother me about wearing a skirt in public. But then she is naturally more shy than I am. Over time, as no such adverse reactions have ever occurred, her concern faded away. I hope the same relaxation happens for you and indeed for all beskirted men.
My wife also had to get used to it, especially in public, but fortunately, that wasn’t a problem for long. I am tend to be more shy in public than she is which means I fight that barrier more than she fights it. I’ve certainly become more relaxed with time and statements like the one my mom made help me make large strides in that direction. I’ve never worn as many skirts out as I have this year so far and I’m extremely pleased with the progress I’ve made.
I’ve never worn as many skirts out as I have this year so far and I’m extremely pleased with the progress I’ve made.
You must be giving your skirts a really hard time, wearing so many of them out. Rock climbing and rodeo riding perchance? (Don’t worry, of course I know what you meant: different meanings between wear out and outside; the joys of English phrasal verbs…)
That’s great news! It’s the same for me and it’s such a wonderful, liberating feeling.
Haha! Yeah, English can definitely be very peculiar sometimes…
Though I am still Leary of going out in public wearing a skirt, knowing and in a rare occasion seeing another man in a skirt does boost my confidence. I still only publically wear skirts to go through a drive through. Maybe some dah I will be confident enough to go in a store…
Seeing other men in skirts boosts my confidence as well. I really enjoy seeing it which makes me think that when I am out in public in a skirt and other men who wear skirts in secret see me, they probably feel the same thing. My guess is that there are a lot more of us out there than you’d think.
I’ve just returned from a retreat dealing with Masculine & Feminine Energy Balance. It’s changed my perspective & now feel more confident wearing non conforming clothing in public. I wore a claret coloured skirt to the retreat & Dinner,women’s boohoo pants to meditation/dance sessions. One female participant called my outfits “Awesome “where a conversation started about where I bought my clothes & related it was whatever item appealed to me, menswear or womenswear. This gathering of open minded people were accepting but curious as to my reasons.
It was the breath work & meditation that released an emotional block that really changed my perspective. I’m less bothered by what others think.
My spouse has childhood issues with male/female clothing Identity so I usually tread a fine line between my wishes & her acceptance threshold. It’s a work in progress & the retreat has changed the relationship dynamic that she see’s how happy & comfortable I am.
It’s great you have the support of your loved one’s Alex.
Lar.
That retreat sounds like an amazing experience! I’m happy to hear that it made you feel more confident wearing non-conforming clothing in public. I wonder if I could find something like that here in Germany as well. Are you still going to continue doing breath work and meditation at home? Was your wife at the retreat as well?
Hi Alex
I’ve included a link to free spirit style Festival’s & Retreats. Germany has many I believe. I’m still practicing breath work. It can be quite rewarding.
My wife couldn’t go as she has mobility problems & it was something I needed to do for myself.
Lar
https://festivalsandretreats.com/
Thank you for the link!
One “coming of age” moment occurred when I moved. Driving cross country with my wife, I decided to wear sheer, nude pantyhose with shorts. NB: I started wearing tights as a kid and only recently got into skirting. I figured there’s no way I’m running into anyone along the way and so why not.
As everyone knows, I got no bad reactions. No reactions at all actually and I drive through southern states of Texas, Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi.
In Florida, we were going to crash with my in laws. As we got near their house, I said I was gonna pull over to change out of my tights. She said “why? Don’t bother”.
I was super nervous but didn’t change. No comments. And I haven’t heard or experienced anything else.
Another event occurred when I first went to a friends church. Joking around with her, she outright basically demanded I should wear a kilt. So I did. And now I always wear one to church. There, I get great compliments from the women and the men are asking/stating they should’ve worn theirs. Which makes me think a lot more men own kilts than we see wearing them.
What’s interesting about your story is your mom’s honest question of why change your clothing. I think to women, who are used to wearing whatever, the idea of not wearing some type of clothing is strange. But only when you’re dressed otherwise well. By that I mean, women appreciate fashion and so if you dress fashionable, just with a skirt, why not wear it?
Moms truly are the most spectacular people on Earth
It sounds like you’ve had a few great, confidence-boosting experiences. Most people just simply don’t care what you wear, even if it’s eccentric or outlandish (which I wouldn’t consider most tights and skirts to be). Kilts are an excellent way for men to start going out in public and I’ve certainly worn many out myself. I don’t as much anymore because I prefer my other skirts, but I still have and enjoy wearing my kilts on occasion.
It’s amazing how much the support of a loved one helps you with that confidence. I wouldn’t be where I am without the support of my wife and now my mom.
Hi Alex,
Thank you so much for your page. I just found it yesterday and I must say it helps me a lot.
I am a 44year old man from a small town in Germany. I wear women’s cloth (Tights, shiny pants and jeans, boots and heels) all my life but in waves more and less. I even quit once completely which was one of my biggest mistakes in live. I just startet wearing skirts last year and it is also a huge contribution to my well feeling.
Unfortunately my wife does not like it. But at least my friends and family are supportive.
When I told my best friend who is a conservative, catholic raised man with polish origin, I really expected him to laugh or anything. He just responded: who cares? You are still the same person.
The German phrase “Kleider machen Leute!” (Clothes make people) maybe not so true when it comes to personal relationships.
Looking forward to read more from you.
Best regards, joerg
Hi Jörg,
You’re very welcome! I’m really glad to hear that it helps you a lot and that skirts contribute to your well-being!
I’m glad your family and friends are supportive. That is incredibly helpful. Hopefully, your wife will become more comfortable with it the more she sees you in gender-non-conforming clothes.